September 12, 2007

I got the phone call I had been dreading on Saturday. Three weeks to the day from his wedding, kindred spirit wanted to see me. He started out the conversation apologizing like always. I just kinda blew it off. Then we caught up on all that has been going on. It was a pleasant conversation between friends. Unfortunately, he didn't leave it at that. I was shocked that he brought the stuff up. It was like we hadn't had the conversations before the wedding. I was also pissed. I surprised myself actually. I have been in a horrible mood. Sad one minute and mad the next. I guess it is all just part of the process of letting him go. I have come farther than I thought. When he started with the I miss yous I shut him down real quick. As bad as these past weeks have been, I refuse to go back there. So, I once again explained to him that even though I have acted on my feelings in the past with him, I am not doing it again. He can call and catch up if he wants, but that is as far as I go. So yay me right? Nope. I don't feel great about it. I mean shouldn't I be happy that I am standing up for myself? Shouldn't I be proud that I am being strong and not giving in this time? Isn't this my first big step towards a brighter tomorrow? Then why do I feel like shit? Why am I so mad? Why am I not jumping up and down? I thought I would feel better than this. He ended the conversation telling me he had found a new place to work out. It is by their apartment and he is there every morning at 6. He told me how to get there and asked me to stop by and see him. I told him no. He said he would look for me any way just in case I ever change my mind. So, now that I am not seeing him, he tells me a way I can whenever I want. Ugh!