June 11, 2007

My first born is now a High School graduate! L received her diploma last weekend. It was such a proud moment for me. We weren't sure she was going to make it because she had some bad grades 3rd quarter and had put herself in a spot. She had to pull an A in a few classes and pass the exams to pass for the semester. Thankfully she did it! As I sat there with my son, my sister and her family, my best friends, my ex and his wife, I couldn't help but think about my mom. She should have been there to see this. L was always one of her closest grand kids. Mom knew just how to keep her in line and they shared a special bond. When L was in the 8Th grade they did a time capsule in English class. They put in a bunch of things to show the sign of the times and they also had people who were special to them write them a letter. She asked my mom and myself to write her letters and we did knowing they weren't to be opened until graduation. That was really hard for me to do because I went into it it thinking what if something happens and I'm not here in 4 years when she graduates. I wanted to give her the advise I thought she should have and trying to picture how she would be at 18 when she had just turned 14 was hard! We had forgotten all about the time capsule until a few weeks ago when her 8Th grade English teacher sent them to the students at the High School. She opened it and read all of it. Including mom's letter. She cried at school on and off the rest of the day. When she came home she asked if I would like to read it. I thought about it and decided I just couldn't do it right then. I felt like my heart was gonna explode from pain and I couldn't go there just yet. I did end up reading it about a week later. Just seeing her beautiful handwriting on those pages made me start shaking. It, of course, was a lovely letter. So full of love and hope! It had never entered her mind that she wouldn't be here to watch L graduate. She talked of what they would do in the future and how she would be here for her. It was amazing to read and to think where my mind had been at the time I wrote my letter vs. her mind-set when she wrote hers and how life throws you a curve. I am so thankful that my daughter has that special gift from her.