April 18, 2007

I miss kindred spirit. It has been almost six weeks since I have seen him. He kissed me goodbye and told me he would call me the next night. I haven't heard anything from him since. He does this. His girlfriend - actually his fiancee now - doesn't want him to talk to me. She knew we were friends when they started dating. The closer they got the more she pressured him to not talk to me. She doesn't know we are intimate. No one does. She thinks I will try to talk him in to getting back together with my friend. He was head over heels for my friend and she is the one who broke it off. Four years ago! Yeah, he is over that one! Maybe she can tell we have feelings for each other. I'm acting like you know the story and you don't. I shall try to explain this...

I met kindred spirit a little over 4 years ago. He was dating one of my friends. Not a close friend but someone I see from time to time. We hit it off and struck up a friendship. After a while I was actually closer to him than her. She broke up with him and I was there for him to talk to. We talked on the Internet or on the phone once or twice a week. We talked about everything. I told him about boyfriend/boss and he told me about trying to get over my friend and then about his dating and subsequent girlfriends. We talked about our philosophy of life, religion, raising my children as a single mother, our families, friends, anything and everything you can think of. We became close and considered each other persons we could trust. We hung out a couple times a month and continued to talk and develop this amazing friendship. About 2 years ago we started talking almost daily. We did text daily, sometimes all day long, and we talked on the phone for hours. We hung out a couple times a week. This continued for over 5 months. He was starting to date his current girlfriend/fiancee. About a year and a half ago they became a couple. We continued to talk and text daily and still hung out. All was platonic. His girlfriend would not come to my house and she was uncomfortable if I was around when we all went out. Her excuse was she believed I wanted him back with my friend. He knew this was not true and told her so. A month into their relationship we were hanging out one night and to this day I'm not sure how it happened. One minute we were talking and listening to this new CD and the next minute we are making out. I must admit it was one of the best! Afterward we were both kinda shocked. He had made comments and we had joked around but I never thought we would end up sleeping together. I had never thought of him like that. We talked about it the next day and both decided it shouldn't have happened and couldn't happen again. I had never cheated and he said he hadn't either and I didn't want to be one of those people.

But things had changed. Our talk was more intimate. It came up in conversations. He would brush against me. Brush my hair out of my face. Kiss my forehead. Stuff like that. We would talk about what we would do or how it would be if we could be together. (Keep in mind I have been with boyfriend/boss for over 10 years.) One day he looked at me in the middle of a discussion and told me to shut up and tell him I loved him. I did. We kissed and made out a little but I meant it when I said we couldn't sleep together anymore. He meant it too. He didn't want to hurt girlfriend/fiancee either. We told each other I love you from that day on. Random text in the middle of the day. Every night when we said good night. He would call me on the way to girlfriend/fiancee's house, from her house while she was in the shower, on the way home from her house. It was crazy. He was getting a lot of pressure from her and her friends about being friends with me. I was also getting pressure for talking to him so much. Girlfriend/fiancee is kinda crazy. When she gets upset she cries and throws up for days. She has even cut herself. She tells him everyone in her life has left her and makes him promise he won't leave her too. She tells him and everyone who will listen that he is the only reason she gets up in the morning and the only thing that gets her through the day. She finally told him she can't handle it if he's friends with me any more. If he loved her he would do this for her. So, and I know what you're thinking but you're wrong, our relationship became a secret! No one except for a chosen few could know we still talked.

This takes you through the beginning of 2006. It is turning out longer than I expected so I will have to finish at a later time. Stay tuned....